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I used to feel like I was an alpha but about 20 tears ago I started admitting that I wasn't even close to being an alpha. I found guys on the internet and would suck cock way more often than I would even go on dates with women. On a couple of occasions I let them fuck me. At first I was super scared and would enjoy it but couldn't stop feeling guilty. I was still a man in my mind and real men didn't take cock in their ass.

One day I met a black guy online and invited him over. He was going to be my first and I just really wanted to be able to say I had sucked a BBC. He warned me he was a thick 10" and was a grower. I was super scared when he got to my place because of his size but was also excited by the idea of sucking him. He walked in the door and before I had closed it he had pulled out his cock. Honestly, it wasn't all that impressive. I laughed. Not really laughed but more of a smiling giggle. That was where things took a turn. He immediately got verbal and aggressive, forcing his cock into my mouth. That's when I learned what a grower actually was. He had not lied about his size. I had never seen anyone that big in person and only a few porn cocks were as impressive. It only took a few minutes and I could barely get past the head of his monster.

When he got tired of my pathetic attempt to suck him he pushed me down and rolled me on my stomach on the livingroom floor. I tried to fight but he was so much stronger than me. He had me by a couple of inches but was solid, young muscle. He got between my legs and spread them, something that had never happened to me before. I tried to get up but his hand in my back pinned me to the floor as had put the tip of his cock against my hole. Once he was in position he moved his hands to my shoulders and started shoving.

I have never felt pain like that before or since. He actually ripped my ass as he started pounding. I screamed and I cried but eventually I stopped fighting. When I stopped fighting he rolled me over onto my back and continued fucking me. He laughed and taunted me the entire time and I just continued to whimper and cry.

When he had had his fill he got dressed and left telling me he would be back. I lived in fear for the next few days waiting for him to show up at my door. Eventually he showed up and I tried to slam the door in his face but he got his foot in the door and forced his way in. This time I resisted but didn't fight. I still cried and still whimpered from the pain but I knew I just needed to take it. Over the next few weeks he would show up and I would just let him in and drop to my knees. I never got used to him but I did learn to just bend over and let him take what he wanted. After a couple of months I never heard from him again. I hate him and I still cringe when I think of him because of the hell my ass went through but I do miss him a little. I have never stopped thinking about and wanting BBC since that time.