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In a zombie apocalypse, I would probably reach for my trusty, little "helper" first. If you don't know what that is, I'll give you a hint! It's small and pink. Oh, it also vibrates ;) What would you pick up?
As for me, the thing that I would pick up is long and brown and carry it in my pants. After you called me over with the outdated pink and small Nokia phone, I would bring the long and brown object over to your college dorm room and whip it out and slap you in the face with it, hold you by your hair and tell you to suck it.
However, Jazmin, it turns out that you secretly were bitten by a zombie earlier in the day, and instead of, “Brainnnns!”, you scream out “Diiiiiick!”, and then you swallow my elongated penis and then bite it off.
I then cry tears of pain and pleasure. (￣∀￣)