SUBMISSIVE PANTYHOSE FEMME...THE MAKING
I am a crossdresser. It is an addiction. I’ve tried, but I really can’t stop myself: fantasies, endless looking at pornography, shopping, dressing, masturbation, and inevitably, seeking men to please. I have only sucked cocks, but over a hundred at my last count. I want to open my legs and allow another man to “do” me. I think I’m a little scared to serve a man has his bottom, but I just know that I will give it a try someday soon. I have been unable to control myself wanting to be a woman. I’m married, with k**s and I have even been through years of therapy, first for the pornography, and then for the crossdressing.
I am a crossdresser. I enjoy dressing as a woman, including make-up and a wig. I find this “fantasy” personality dangerously exciting. I like to call myself “Erica”, or sometimes, “Susan”. I think my wife suspects, but we have never talked about it directly. It takes work to serve men!
Here is my story.
Wet Dreams to Driver’s License
I had no clue what was going on when I awoke after my first wet dream. My pajamas were a mess, but I felt good somehow. I wondered if I had wet myself. I just didn’t understand. Finally, at a Scout campout, I overhead some boys talking about having “pop parties” and “jerking off”. I realized that they were talking about becoming a man and how one’s penis grew into a sex object. A “pop party” was where a small group of boys would all jerk off and race to see who could climax first!
I was too scared to ask any questions. I had 7th grade health class where they talked about “intercourse” and how boys were different from girls. I heard about “getting pregnant” and about “VD”. I noticed girls developing and starting to wear bras under their blouses. Then I discovered the pleasure of having an orgasm.
I can remember learning about how to pleasure myself while looking at the women’s underwear photos in the Sears catalog (yes, this was many years ago). Some of them were very sexy for a teenage boy. I particularly enjoyed the matching bra and bikini panty sets. I masturbated regularly behind the closed door of my bedroom as I looked through the catalogs. I have loved woman’s panties, bras and intimate apparel ever since.
Then, on the way home from school one afternoon, I stopped at the local convenience store. In their magazine section were an assortment of “girly” magazines! On the front cover of “Club”, was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen: reddish blond shoulder length wavy hair, bright green eyes, innocent smile, arms crossed over her smallish breasts as if to hide them, and wearing a pair of white nylon bikini panties! I could have cum right there! I bravely took the magazine to the woman cashier, she looked at me but didn’t say anything. I secreted that magazine away, rushed home, and jerked off looking at the cover and inside photos! Awesome!
Once, my mother walked in on me. I had a catalog open to the panty page and I had a Time magazine open with photos of the inside of a Playboy Club, complete with a photo of several topless Bunnies sunning themselves on the roof top. This was my first full view of a woman’s naked breast. I was jerking off, using my usual tissue, when she came in. I quickly rolled over and attempted to close the catalog. She may have known that I was looking at the pics, but I don’t think she knew that I was jerking off. Nothing was ever said.
Then, I discovered the real articles: panties in the clothes hamper! My sister had several pairs of frilly bikini panties, my favorites were a pair of pink ones with the white lace trim. I used to take her panties out of the clothes hamper while the shower was running to cover any noise. I would put them on and jerk off as I watched myself in the mirror. I loved the soft feel of the panties against my cock, and the look of my hard-on stretching against the front panel of the nylon. I would stand in front of the mirror and watch myself. I could shoot a multi-spurt fountain of the mysterious liquid and almost hit the mirror, if I wasn’t careful.
When she wasn’t home, I’d also go through my mom’s stuff and put on her stockings and bras. I ran some of her hose trying to find a way to configure a makeshift garter belt, so she may have known of my exploring. I never got caught, but I sure did enjoy dressing-up.
I also enjoyed lying in bed masturbating when I could hear the bed creaking when they had sex. When I was jerking off, I could shoot my load up my chest, not quite reaching my chin, but filling my belly button with cum. I wanted to taste it, but couldn’t bring myself to do so.
I found it exciting thinking about being caught whether it was in my bedroom, in the shower, or going through dresser drawers. As far as I knew, no one suspected my explorations.
Even during these early years, I did like to masturbate a lot. I could cum 3-4 times a day if I wanted to, and I frequently did. I wanted to taste my own sperm so bad, but I was scared. I didn’t want to think of myself as “gay” and I was worried that it was a perverted thing to do. I could cum in a big way and could fill the little bathroom paper Dixie cups well over half way with sperm! I just couldn’t get myself to drink it!
I masturbated at home regularly. But once, in the need for excitement, I took my new Polaroid instant camera with me on a bike ride in the woods. When I was alone, I stopped. No one was around and the woods were quiet. I unzipped my jeans to reveal my stiff cock, pressing against the nylon of my sister’s panties! I took photos of my cock and the panties with the instant camera, and then couldn’t help myself, and I jerked off, my seed shooting into the wilderness! To my regret, I wasn’t able to snap a photo at the moment of my ejaculation, but it wasn’t for the lack of trying! I just couldn’t cum and take the photo at the same time. I enjoyed the feeling of the panties under my jeans. I guess one could consider this my first journey out in public as a crossdresser!
High School Years
When I got my driver’s license, the world of dating opened up to me. My first “love” was a girl that I met in the all-county band. Mary Ann lived in a neighboring town. We really fell for each other. When I would visit her, we would make-out and explore each other’s bodies on the sofa in the living room of her parents house. They thought it safe as they sat in a neighboring room, unaware of me having my hand down their daughter’s pants! She would rub my erection through my pants, and sometimes put her hand around my erection, and would bring me to orgasm. Many nights I drove home with a sticky mess in my briefs! We graduated to walking to the nearby playground when the night was warm, and came very close to having intercourse, something neither of us really understood.
Finally, we discovered “parking”. We’d tell her parents we were going to the local Dairy Queen, and then drive to a secluded spot to pull off the road and park. We would kiss, and pet and please each other. Mary Ann insisted that she wanted to give me a blow job. I had no idea what she was talking about. She worked on my cock with her mouth until I came. When I wouldn’t go down on her, she asked me if “it was the smell?” If I only knew then what I know now! Anyway, we lasted for about six months, and then just drifted apart. I later found out that she had come out of the closet as a Lesbian! Mary Ann was one sexy girl!
I continued to date as a High School Junior. Most of my interests, being a football “jock”, were the Freshman cheer leaders: cute, petite, skinny, perky girls who wore short skirts and big smiles!
My favorite little freshman blond cheer leader was Judy. She enjoyed kissing and petting. During the summer between my junior and senior years, I would go visit her at her house and her mother, an attractive divorcee, would always leave us alone to watch TV. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I mainly put my hand down her pants and played with her wetness. By the time I left for the evening, my cock was rock hard and my balls would be turning blue!
She lived in the country, and the back roads were all dark with few cars. I would pull off on a side road, get out and stand by the back bumper, pull out my cock and, well, jerk off in the summer moon light, right there on the road. Then I would drive home.
I wanted, but never got, a pair of her bikini panties. I particularly remember a frilly pair that I discovered “under a highway bridge” walking home one afternoon from school with her. I slide my had down her jeans and discovered the lacy panties, and then her fuzzy bush, and then her wet pussy. We kissed and I fondled her.
I would also go visit Judy when she was baby sitting at her aunt’s house during the summer. I wasn’t able to convince her to let me take her picture naked, with her legs open, but I did fantasize about it! We went parking frequently, and many a night after a football game the fall of my Senior year, I would rub her sloppy wet pussy until she came. I loved the smell left on my fingers and the little pubic hairs that were left on the front seat of my car. We even got into a routine after school when on certain days when my mother was away, we would lay on my bed and ravish each other’s bodies. We never had intercourse, but we sure did enjoy each other! We double dated, and even went double parking. I remember once such incident where I was down between her legs, hungrily lapping her pussy, when I glanced up to see the other couple looking over the seat at us! Too cool!
Then, it was time to go off to college.
College Discoveries
When I got to college as a small town freshman, I found myself surrounded by lots of sexy young women. We would drink, and even smoke pot. I was having a wild time. I tried to keep things going at home with Judy, but she cheated on my with a local guy, so I ended our relationship. Now I was free to play the field!
I didn’t have a roommate my first semester. I purchased some girly magazines, and enjoyed hours of drinking at dorm parties, followed by jerking off in the privacy of my dorm room. I had a couple of casual dates, all with non-intercourse sex involved. One particularly unattractive girl, Bev, got me stoned one night and then tried to give me a blow job. I couldn’t get it up and that really hurt her feelings. She was known as the blow job queen of the dorm complex.
Then I discovered a new trick. I would steal women’s panties from the washing machines and driers as I “studied” in the laundry room while doing my wash. Back in my dorm room, I would wear them and masturbate even more. I loved the feel of the nylon lace, and I kind of liked feeling feminine. Some times, I would jerk off in them, watching my sperm load fill the cotton crotch of the panties. I will allow these panties to dry, leaving a stain and smelling of sex. I had a favorite sheer pinkish-white lace pair and a bright pink pair that I knew the girl who had owned them. I would wear a pair of her stretchy yellow lace bikinis and cum in the crotch of the white lace or pink pair. It was a real fantasy turn-on for me. Boy, could I cum! Again, I wanted to taste my own cum, and even attempted a couple of drunken “up and over” maneuvers to shoot my load in my open mouth, just inches away from my cock head. I would put my legs up on the mattress, put my head on the floor bending to face upwards, and watch my cock explode its stream of sperm. At the last split second, (regretfull) I would always turn my head to cum on my face instead of in my mouth.
One girl friend liked it when I bought her sexy things and I even got a Fredericks of Hollywood catalog and ordered mail order things for her…this was before the Internet. I loved the garter belts and stockings. I began buying stuff that I intended to give her, but…well, I kept it myself. I dressed in it, jerked off in it, and even wore it around under my clothes. No one knew. What made it all the more exciting is that Cindy was a real sex kitten!
The frat house had a lot of girly magazines tossed around in the bathrooms, and I loved the pics of the scantily clad women in their garters, stockings, bras, panties and heels. I would look at their photos, particularly the ones with their legs spread open, and shoot my load all over the photos.
My “sex kitten” blond bomb shell ended up dumping me. Heart breaking. She even came to collect a few of the panties I had bought for her, at least what she knew that I had. She didn’t want me to have “trophies” of our time together. We had fucked regularly, she had sucked my cock, and I even fucked her in her ass one time. Too bad! She could have been a keeper!
I went through a couple of short term girl friends with heavy petting but no intercourse. The guys at the frat house had group sex with some of the Little sisters of the fraternity, and some of us who didn’t get in on the action, at least got to watch from the rooftop near the window into the room. Cool! Definitely jerked off that night!
I looked at the Frederick’s catalog, began to shop at nearby department stores, and dressed and masturbated. I loved looking at myself, fantasizing about being a woman, and watching as my hand pumped loads of warm sperm out of my manhood!
I met the woman who was to become my first wife and dated her until I graduated and moved away for my first job.
First Marriage
My first wife allowed me to try a lot of things with her. I bought her stockings, garters and sexy things that she would wear for me. I ended up fantasizing more about what she was wearing than about her.
I found that I enjoyed the excitement of shopping for sexy lingerie for her. I would go into department stores, specialty lingerie shops, and even adult book stores to shop. I gave her some of the things I bought, but then I started my own collection. I hid a couple of bags of lingerie in a closet and she never knew. I worked swing shift and she worked days, so I had a lot of time to myself.
I bought sheer baby doll nighties (I remember a frilly pink one and sheer pale blue one, both with matching panties), garter belts, stockings, bras, panties and finally, heels. Just the excitement of shopping for sexy women’s clothing was worth the thrill. I liked to shop while wearing something sexy under my man-clothes. I found that I needed to put a non-lubricated condom on my cock to keep the pre-cum from soaking through my pants! Sometimes, I would come very close to climaxing while I was shopping. That was so cool! If I had reached down and touched my stiff cock, I knew that I would have exploded! It is a real challenge to keep from showing my delight as I shopped, standing in the panty section of a department store with women all around me, as I handled panties and bras! I wondered if any of them suspected that I was shopping more for myself than for a woman.
There was a local adult theater that I visited a couple of times. I usually went in the morning when I was getting home from working the midnight shift. I would take panties and thigh high hose with me, and change into them at work. Then, I would sit in the mostly deserted theater and watch the porn. I think that this is the first time that I seriously considered approaching another man to offer him a blow job, but I didn’t act on it. I saw a couple of single men in the theater. I wanted a cock in my mouth, but was much too afraid.
My collection grew and I even traveled with it when I went on company business trips. Afraid of discovery, I had to get rid of everything that I had. My first (of many to come) purges. I really hated to do it. I have never forgotten a favorite pair of sheer, frilly, red panties. I remember wearing them under my jeans and how my erect cock could easily pop out of the elastic band at the top. I loved to jerk off while wearing them.
I even would experiment with makeup, in dark rental cars, outside of adult book stores before I would go inside. I would apply only a subtle touch of makeup, just enough that I knew but that wasn’t too obvious. I remember one incidence in Detroit where I did go into a viewing both with a man. I got down on my knees, unbuckled his pants, and put his soft cock in my mouth. When it wouldn’t harden, he lifted me to my feet, and put his hand on my erection. He undid my pants, and was delighted with finding me wearing a garter belt, stockings and panties. He pressed his hand against my erect, panty-covered cock, and started to masturbate me. Within seconds, I exploded my load in my panties, onto the floor and in his hand. Embarrassing, but it was my first time.
Anyway, after some time, I resumed my panty shopping. I began writing sexy stories about being a “fantasy woman”. I would write about having sex as a woman, giving blow jobs, and everything. It was all very unrealistic, but I enjoyed writing about it.
I loved to shop for panties while wearing panties under my clothes. The feel of the soft, sheer panties on my cock and the thrill of looking at all of the sexy panties and bras would cause my erect cock to leak clear pre-cum, wetting the panties. When I returned home, or to my hotel room if I was traveling, I would watch myself in the mirror as I masturbated. The feel of my cock in the panties, and the sight of jerking off while wearing panties was a thrill. I loved it!
I also purchased, over time, several vibrators to use on my wife. I started with a traditional white one, and when I bravely used it on her, and she enjoyed it, I started buying other styles and colors: purple, pink, and a large realistic cock-shaped gyrator. I can vividly recall lying between her open legs, working the large cock vibrator in and out of her wet pussy. My face was inches away from her bush as I stretched her pussy with this monster. She loved it! So did I. She would buck and climax like a champ! Me getting my rocks off inside of her was just icing on the cake for both of us. I suspected that she used these sex toys when I was away traveling and masturbated herself.
She allowed me to keep some porno magazines in the house, and when I asked her if I could wear one of her thongs during our sex act, and she agreed, I started wearing her panties when we had sex. I was the director of all of this, but she did comply.
I cheated on her several times with one-night stands. I wasn’t proud of this, but I needed some passion in my sex life. I had opportunities on business trips and on an annual “boys” ski week vacation out to Colorado each of several years. Just good straight sex.
Then, I had a business convention out in Las Vegas. This was the one time in my life that I hired a prostitute. I scanned the free publications you could find on every street corner, picked a woman who looked good in a garter belt and stockings, and called for her to come visit me at the hotel. I was drunk, but I knew what I was doing. The first indication that my fantasy fuck was not going to be as I had imaged was when she came to the door wearing pants. No skirt or stockings! I was disappointed. We talked price and I gave her my last $100. I told her to lay on the bed and masturbate for me. She did a lame job of that. Then, I told her that I just wanted a blow job. She wouldn’t let me kiss her, and she had me wear a condom to give me that blow job. It was over in a flash. I suffer from premature ejaculation and this was no exception. Within 2 minutes, I came. She looked at the sperm filled condom, looked at me, and asked “so, are you done?” I felt like a fool. She stood and left. After she left, the cum filled condom remained. I started looking at porn, this was early on with the free Internet porn sites, and slipped on a pair of panties I had brought with me. Enough time had elapsed since I had cum that I was feeling horny again. On a whim, I put the used condom in my mouth and then sucked it inside-out, releasing its load of my sperm into my mouth. I swallowed my sperm load and licked the condom. I liked it. Finally!
I continued buying stuff and dressing and looking at porn and masturbating, all the while still having sex with my wife once per week. She would dress for me and allow me to fuck her while she was wearing stockings and a garter belt.
I also worked to keep her well filled with my sperm. I had to initiate oral sex but that was fine. ?
But, things weren’t good with our relationship. We ended-up divorcing.
When I feel in love with a new woman, my current and final wife, and
Anyway, that marriage ended.
Fortunately, I had by collection of sexy items when I moved out to a townhouse in the city. In the divorce, the property was split with my first wife. What was fascinating was that she evenly divided the vibrators, choosing the ones she wanted first, and then giving me the remaining ones! She did catch me with bags of lingerie when I was attempting to move out. She inspected the trunk of my car and discovered them. Although she asked me about it, I never divulged their origin and use. I think she believed that they were trophies from me “other women”.
I purchased an inflatable “woman” and, while dressed my self, would fuck this submissive doll. I tried to have oral sex, or to kiss her mouth, after I had filled one of those openings with my sperm, but again, the drop of my post-orgasm passions just didn’t allow me to do so.
I wanted a cock in my mouth.
Love of my Life
I later dated and was remarried, and remain so now.
In the beginning, she wore the sexy outfits I would buy for her. She looked great: slender, petite, narrow hips, nice butt, small perky breasts! When we were dating, and she was still married, we fucked in her house one afternoon after I returned from a business trip. Her husband was at work and we ripped each other’s clothes off and had sex on the floor of their family room. I got carpet burns on my knees, but it was exciting thinking about doing another man’s wife in their on house! When she finally moved out on her now ex-husband, we has had sex in her new apartment (I remember the red outfit she wore for me one morning), or in my townhouse. It was always straight sex, although she allowed me to go down on her and she definitely enjoyed that!
After we were married, our life, and sex, shifted into a more normal, comfortable mode.
Sometimes I would go through her things, wear her panties, cum in the soft cotton crotches and then wash out my sperm stain. I particularly enjoyed cumming in the off-white string bikini panties that she had worn on our wedding day. It was dangerous to dress at home, with my wife and numerous c***dren around, but I enjoyed the thrill.
I frequently looked at porn and fantasized about what it must be like to be a woman, at least sexually. I wanted to be a woman badly and my dressing helped me deal with it. I was lucky that I never got caught either dressed, masturbating or going through her lingerie drawer!
I liked to look at websites that showed a woman sucking a man’s cock, particularly when he would cum in her face. I learned that this was called a “facial”. I fantasized about being a woman, on my knees, sucking cock…better yet, cocks!
I still continued to buy outfits, including skirts, heels, wigs and make-up. I hide my multiple bags of clothing successfully for a number of years, ten to be exact.
My first time of getting “caught” came at work. I was looking at porn on my company laptop, in my office (this was before they had ways to block access to such sites), and a woman colleague came into my office. I never knew if she saw my computer screen, but I suspected that she did. She was even “colder” towards me after than. Within six months, my boss came to see me un-expectantly. He said that he had gotten an IT report that my computer had accessed forbidden porn internet sites and he wondered if my son had access to my computer. He was giving me a way out of the situation and I appreciated it. I never used the company system to do this again!
But, I did continue to dial-in to the Internet and view porn sites. I discovered how I could download photos onto CDs, and I started doing so. I would catalog the photos by their content. I could watch them and masturbate whenever I wanted. I shifted jobs, continued to collect porn, dress and fantasize.
I would travel with my outfits, dress, look at porn in my hotel room and masturbate. I loved it! I had some great outfits and mind blowing orgasms! I did my best to taste my own sperm, but it was still difficult to accomplish.
I would frequently wear sexy things under my business clothes when I went to evening functions. I could get away with panties, garter belts and stockings, but wearing a bra was tricky. I could do this only when I had on a winter coat, and or sometimes, even just a sport jacket. I would sit at the desk in my hotel room, dressed, and masturbate while looking at porn. Rock hard cock, gushers of cum!
I wanted more. To be a real woman, I needed a cock in my mouth!
I now was in a role that involved a lot of overnight travel. I drank a lot and enjoyed feeling naughty. A couple of times I would get disgusted and discard all of my stuff, hundreds of dollars of stuff I had bought: panties, bras, stockings, heels, skirts, tops, make-up, and sex toys; all of it. But I always went and bought more. I loved to secretly wear it, particularly when I would go shopping! The feeling of the panties, bra, stockings and heels, was so erotic.
I frequently sat around in my hotel room, dressed, and surfed the net for porn. I downloaded hundreds of pictures, mostly sexy women wearing stockings and panties and women getting facials. I was fascinated by sperm! I would download and catalog my porn pics by type, such as: facials, lookers-blond, fucking, etc. I copied this into Power Point slide shows and would sit, watch, and masturbate.
My wife didn’t know about any of this, until I made a fatal mistake. I had upgraded from using CDs to using smaller, higher capacity thumb drives. I was at home one morning, downloading porn, and I left the thumb drive in the computer in the family room. Not only that, I had forgotten to erase the history of the websites I had visited. Stupid! She found this, and understandably, was very, very hurt. I apologized. I told her that I had an addiction to porn and she insisted that I seek counseling. So, I started seeing a ther****t (it didn’t help that she was an attractive woman and I would sit on her sofa, talking about sex, and mentally undressing her with my eyes! She was about my age and very sexy. She was divorced and I wanted her to give me a blow job, or to lay back, spread her legs and allow me to watch her masturbate. I jerked off thinking about her sometimes. She was professional in all of our sessions. Rats!
At home, things had calmed down and seemed to be okay. Then, maybe a year or so later, she discovered a cache of my lingerie. I mumbled some explanation, and got rid of everything – a couple of bags of panties, stockings, garter belts, bras, heels, and makeup (darn!). To-date, I had only told my ther****t about the porn collection and not about my crossdressing.
Then, the wife found another thumb drive in my briefcase. This one, contained photos of me dressed in sexy woman’s underwear and several of me masturbating. Opps! She was crushed, insisted that I needed “help”, and she has never trusted me, particularly with thumb drives or the Internet, again. It didn’t help that some of the images were rather graphic, including me being dressed and jerking off. I never knew, and she never told me, what she had seen, but I suspected the worst! Secretly, I wished she would watch me jerk off and cum on her panty covered crotch!
I went “clean” again, and focused on my therapy to save my marriage. I desperately needed her love and I worked hard to understand and address my addiction. It had much to do with my remote parents and my use of sex as an escape. I felt safe in my fantasy world. I stayed “clean” for some time. No clothing. No porn pics.
Then, within a year, it all started again. I don’t know what triggered it, but I bought a wardrobe of new outfits, including a wig, heels and lingerie. I also discovered Craigslist and began corresponding with people interested in crossdressers. I so wanted to play act as a woman, but I was scared about getting caught. I knew that this would end my marriage.
I seriously wanted to go on Craigslist, and I finally did. I advertised that I would dress-up as a woman for a man. I wanted to be a cum slut and suck cock! I was innocent and naïve on meeting men and I never did. I was worried about getting robbed, or catching some STD. I got close to arranging for a meet, but never did. Then came a timely business trip.
When I arrived at my hotel, I dressed in my hotel room, had a few beers, and went on line. I posted for a cock to suck, and I had immediate responses! It was a cool fall morning and a tall, well hung 30-something man came to my hotel. Nervous as heck, I dropped to my knees and pulled down his pants. His large erection sprang to life. I eagerly wrapped my hand around it and lowered my lips over it. I loved it! It wasn’t long before he emptied his load in my mouth. I swallowed and looked up at him from my knees. I kissed the remaining cum off of his cock head and said “thanks”. I meant it. I was a woman at last, and I loved it!
My cock sucking progressed. I was always dressed (I didn’t think of myself as being gay), and always drinking. I still don’t know what comes first: the drinking or the sexual fantasies. Anyway, from what I can remember, my adventures included:
? First blow job dressed as a sexy woman (already described),
? I was on a business trip and had brought along my outfits to wear, and feel pretty, like I had been doing for some time. I dressed. looked at online porn, and one thing lead to another. I then make the decision to seek some cocks, and I posted on Craigslist. I got several hits from my ad, and that afternoon, I arranged three dates. They were all business men looking for a little fun while on a break from their office. My three mouthfuls went down with a smile!
? Business trip to a medium sized city downtown hotel, sucked a half dozen men one evening and the next morning. My dates would slip over during break or on the way to/from their offices. One older man helped me to “slow down” and “worship” his cock. I did a couple of younger guys who were big cummers. When I went to leave that morning, I was stricken with diarrhea. I had to change my boxers in the car in the parking garage. I learned that a tummy full of sperm just goes right through you. A valuable lesson.
? An airport hotel group of men. I lost count, but I think I did 8 guys. One gave me pointers on how to “make love to his cock”. Very nice. I was a cummy mess, and full of sperm.
? Another business hotel and I sucked 4 cocks.
? Business trip hotel, I dressed and sucked 7 cocks. One guy gave me a nice pair of frilly panties as a thank you gift. I was getting better with the wording for my CL ads and had no problem attracting qualified cocks. I was lovin’ this.
? On several trips to the same city, I arranged for individual and group sessions. My wardrobe had grown, and now included a bright pink fantasy wig, several pairs of high heels, a wide variety of colorful panties, garters, stockings and bras, and several skirt and tops. I had also started using a spreadsheet to keep track of the men who answered my Craigslist add. I would easily get 30 or more responses when I posted as a CD looking to suck cock. No-shows could run as high as 50%. I filtered out the responses and excluded one-liners and ones with poor spelling and grammar. I was looking for clean, married guys who just wanted a little blow job with a hotty. My dates on my various trips included:
? Group and individual sessions with 10 men, including my first black man (I’m a white guy). The group sessions were a challenge to arrange. I was worried that they would get out of hand, but they really didn’t. Not knowing who would show-up, I scheduled dates to come see me. If others also showed, I would ask if they minded a group session. This always brought a smile as they fantasized about doing me in a group. I still wasn’t fucking, so my group sessions ended up in me on my knees sucking multiple cocks and getting covered with fountains of shooting sperm.
? Group and individual sessions with 12 men. Met a guy who wanted a CD girl friend. We corresponded for months after our first meeting. He wanted to take care of me. Nice guy.
? Individual blow jobs. Learned about “xhampster” from a date. I stayed in my hotel room all day and sucked 8 cocks on this trip. I pleasured myself watching cumshot videos on xhampster afterwards. Nice.
? Different hotel where I had my last date with my boyfriend. I wanted to do a group-thing, but he was worried that some of my dates might know him. I did him and, after he left, five other cocks.
? I admitted to my ther****t that I was a cross dresser. Scary, embarrassing, but a real turn on to tell another woman that I liked to dress! She didn’t make light of my interest but seemed fascinated and interested in hearing all about it. Sexy! I wanted to dress for her and fuck her right there in her office!
Alone, on a vacation get away, I entertained singles and groups of men, totaling 20 cocks in several visits. I made a repeat boy friend and we were planning on having intercourse, but he disappeared from the Internet. I did have two guys at one time, I gave one a blow job while the second tried to fuck my ass, doggy style. I was too tight and he had to give up. I enjoyed a messy facial instead. I sucked cocks owned by both young, and older, men. One young guy watched a porn video on his phone while I knelt and sucked his cock. I loved dressing slutty-sexy, particularly wearing false eye lashes, cock sucking, and getting a load of sperm on my face.
? Back to one of my earlier towns to suck six more cocks. One guy watched my give a blow job to another man and then had me do him.
? Airport hotel on business and 8 blowjobs. All were facials. I was focused now on “cum on my face” blowjobs. My dates loved it! So did I! I had time to go shopping, dressed like a woman under my man-clothes of course. I knew of a Frederick’s of Hollywood store in St. Louis area and bought all kinds of sexy stockings (colored back seams – red & turquoise), garter belts and panties. I also found some new heels at Kmart.
? Opportunity at home: wife away. I advertised for cocks and got several replies;
Guy agreed to meet me, and I dressed and departed. It was dark, so I went ahead and dressed as a woman. I had had too much to drink. On my way to our meeting, my date contacted me via text and changed his mind. I had to turn around. Near the airport, dressed as a woman, I stopped at a local adult book store. Thank goodness it was closed! I was drunk as heck and I don’t know how I was even driving and here I was getting ready to go in public as a Crossdresser?! I drove home (somehow), sat in front of my computer still dressed, looked at porn, and masturbated. I had totally forgotten that one of our college aged daughters was home and could have walked in on me at any time! That would have been a surprise for both of us!
Lesson learned: stop drinking and driving!
? Local guy agreed to meet me at a shopping center at night. We parked next to each other in the deserted parking lot. He came into my car, I started sucking him, and then he up and left, making fun of taunting me without cumming. I was pissed, but still horny. I drove over closer to be in front of a Victoria Secrets store. Alone, I lifted my skirt, and pulled out my cock. I jerked off looking at the items in the window display. Wondered afterwards if I had been filmed on a parking lot video camera! Mmmm…
? Airport hotel. Six sexy cocks. I had a new “school girl” outfit with a short plaid skirt, garters and stockings, heels, false eye lashes, and a black low cut pull over top. This allowed my bra to peek out. When guys came on my face, their cum would splash onto the black top and even my pink wig. This would result in visible dried cum stains on my top and matted hair on my wig. What a turn on to remember my cock sucking. Plus, it smelled great, too!
? I continued buying new outfits, dressing and taking photographs. I even took some of me climaxing. This was difficult to do as one’s mine focuses on the pleasure of the orgasm rather than the snapping of the photo! I fantasized about doing more men, particularly in groups.
? Bravely, I admitted to my ther****t that I had oral sex with a man (I didn’t confess everything, particularly how many men I had done!). She was alarmed and wanted me to get tested for STDs. This was scary, and probably the beginning of me re-thinking what I was doing. I have to admit that it was a real turn-on to tell her about it! My ther****t was a formal, professional woman, but one who seemed to have a sexual heat hidden behind that exterior. I fantasized about her, what she wore underneath of business suits, and wondered if she was a cocksucker, too. I just knew that she masturbated and I bet she would enjoy a messy facial of my cum right there in her office!
? Another business trip, and I got snowed-in without any my outfits. Bored, I started looking at porn and then said to myself, “what the heck!”, and went out and bought more clothing. I didn’t have everything I wanted to look my best. I posted and had more responses to my posts than I could handle. I sucked eight cocks one evening and then arranged for more in the morning. Separately, two different men gave me a fantastic face fucking:
? On my back on the bed, head hanging over the side of the bed, stocking covered legs open showing my hard cock in my panties underneath my skirt, and a large cock pumping in and out of my throat. I was gagging, and it was difficult to breathe! A wonderful facial followed, soaking my false eye lashes. I licked the cum off my face, and sucked it into my mouth. My date loved it! I had cum in my panties while I was getting my face fucked.
? The other guy propped me up on the headboard, him kneeling in front of me, and fucked my face. He then moved me down to lie on the bed, straddled my face, and pushed his cock deep inside my mouth (I gagged and he loved it, pumping harder), then he came all over my face and black top.
? In a small mid-western city, half drunk as usual. Started at hotel happy hour, dressed underneath, and set up dates on my computer as I sat at the bar doing shots. I arranged dates and went back to my room. I serviced three cocks that night, and corresponded with a sexy sounding couple. She wanted to watch as I did her husband. Regretfully, we weren’t able to align our schedules.
So, to-date, I figured I have sucked over 100 cocks and spent more than $1,000 on outfits and porn. I would like to stop, but I can’t. I think my next step will be to get fucked, maybe even service a group of men, who fill me with their seed in both of my openings at the same time, & cover my lingerie clad body with their sticky manhood!
Mmmmm…
Erica
Update:
Well, I have tried, once again, to stop, but I just can’t do it. My latest adventure to the SW was:
? I went shopping while on a weekend business trip and purchased a new blue wig. I also found a shopping mall and bought a couple of new outfits (skirts, panties, bras, garter belts, and heels) and some make-up. I was ready!
? I tried my new iPhone with some movies and pics. Some were sideways. Opps! Oh, well.
?
? I posted on CL for the night I had a suite at the airport before returning home. I had brought some of my things, and shopped some local porn shops for some more stuff. I purchased lube and condoms “just in case”. My post received hits right away and I set up dates. One guy promised to bring a bottle of wine, but I purchased some vodka anyway. I dressed in one of my new outfits, put on my make-up and waited.
? My first date, Steven, brought the wine. He liked my outfit and although we tried to be polite and enjoy the wine, we ended up in each other’s arms, his erection pressing against my tummy and his hands up my skirt on my panty-coved-ass. Before I knew it, I was laid on the bed and he was fucking my face. He lasted a long time and wore me out with his big, hard cock. At last, he pulled out and came all over my face! I loved it, but also knew that my make-up would be a mess. Before he departed, I had him take a couple of pics of my sperm-coved face. These are now posted on my XRMXX website: http://xhamster.com/user/ericalace
? The next of my dates, Jay, came and came in my mouth quickly. I swallowed and smiled.
? My next date was quite sexy. He worked at the local airbase in security and he dominated me in a way that was caring but in control. He fucked my face on the bed, I sucked him on my knees and he finally jerked off all over my smiling face. Very nice.
? My final date jerked off on my face and I was done for the night. I cleaned-up, removed my make-up and went down to the hotels open bar and dinner (still wearing my panties, garter and stockings under my man-clothes. Then to bed, still dressed. I had to get up at 4am for a flight home.
? Now I cruising the internet for potential dates for when my wife will be away early next month. I hope to find some sperm-action close to home.
I am a crossdresser. I enjoy dressing as a woman, including make-up and a wig. I find this “fantasy” personality dangerously exciting. I like to call myself “Erica”, or sometimes, “Susan”. I think my wife suspects, but we have never talked about it directly. It takes work to serve men!
Here is my story.
Wet Dreams to Driver’s License
I had no clue what was going on when I awoke after my first wet dream. My pajamas were a mess, but I felt good somehow. I wondered if I had wet myself. I just didn’t understand. Finally, at a Scout campout, I overhead some boys talking about having “pop parties” and “jerking off”. I realized that they were talking about becoming a man and how one’s penis grew into a sex object. A “pop party” was where a small group of boys would all jerk off and race to see who could climax first!
I was too scared to ask any questions. I had 7th grade health class where they talked about “intercourse” and how boys were different from girls. I heard about “getting pregnant” and about “VD”. I noticed girls developing and starting to wear bras under their blouses. Then I discovered the pleasure of having an orgasm.
I can remember learning about how to pleasure myself while looking at the women’s underwear photos in the Sears catalog (yes, this was many years ago). Some of them were very sexy for a teenage boy. I particularly enjoyed the matching bra and bikini panty sets. I masturbated regularly behind the closed door of my bedroom as I looked through the catalogs. I have loved woman’s panties, bras and intimate apparel ever since.
Then, on the way home from school one afternoon, I stopped at the local convenience store. In their magazine section were an assortment of “girly” magazines! On the front cover of “Club”, was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen: reddish blond shoulder length wavy hair, bright green eyes, innocent smile, arms crossed over her smallish breasts as if to hide them, and wearing a pair of white nylon bikini panties! I could have cum right there! I bravely took the magazine to the woman cashier, she looked at me but didn’t say anything. I secreted that magazine away, rushed home, and jerked off looking at the cover and inside photos! Awesome!
Once, my mother walked in on me. I had a catalog open to the panty page and I had a Time magazine open with photos of the inside of a Playboy Club, complete with a photo of several topless Bunnies sunning themselves on the roof top. This was my first full view of a woman’s naked breast. I was jerking off, using my usual tissue, when she came in. I quickly rolled over and attempted to close the catalog. She may have known that I was looking at the pics, but I don’t think she knew that I was jerking off. Nothing was ever said.
Then, I discovered the real articles: panties in the clothes hamper! My sister had several pairs of frilly bikini panties, my favorites were a pair of pink ones with the white lace trim. I used to take her panties out of the clothes hamper while the shower was running to cover any noise. I would put them on and jerk off as I watched myself in the mirror. I loved the soft feel of the panties against my cock, and the look of my hard-on stretching against the front panel of the nylon. I would stand in front of the mirror and watch myself. I could shoot a multi-spurt fountain of the mysterious liquid and almost hit the mirror, if I wasn’t careful.
When she wasn’t home, I’d also go through my mom’s stuff and put on her stockings and bras. I ran some of her hose trying to find a way to configure a makeshift garter belt, so she may have known of my exploring. I never got caught, but I sure did enjoy dressing-up.
I also enjoyed lying in bed masturbating when I could hear the bed creaking when they had sex. When I was jerking off, I could shoot my load up my chest, not quite reaching my chin, but filling my belly button with cum. I wanted to taste it, but couldn’t bring myself to do so.
I found it exciting thinking about being caught whether it was in my bedroom, in the shower, or going through dresser drawers. As far as I knew, no one suspected my explorations.
Even during these early years, I did like to masturbate a lot. I could cum 3-4 times a day if I wanted to, and I frequently did. I wanted to taste my own sperm so bad, but I was scared. I didn’t want to think of myself as “gay” and I was worried that it was a perverted thing to do. I could cum in a big way and could fill the little bathroom paper Dixie cups well over half way with sperm! I just couldn’t get myself to drink it!
I masturbated at home regularly. But once, in the need for excitement, I took my new Polaroid instant camera with me on a bike ride in the woods. When I was alone, I stopped. No one was around and the woods were quiet. I unzipped my jeans to reveal my stiff cock, pressing against the nylon of my sister’s panties! I took photos of my cock and the panties with the instant camera, and then couldn’t help myself, and I jerked off, my seed shooting into the wilderness! To my regret, I wasn’t able to snap a photo at the moment of my ejaculation, but it wasn’t for the lack of trying! I just couldn’t cum and take the photo at the same time. I enjoyed the feeling of the panties under my jeans. I guess one could consider this my first journey out in public as a crossdresser!
High School Years
When I got my driver’s license, the world of dating opened up to me. My first “love” was a girl that I met in the all-county band. Mary Ann lived in a neighboring town. We really fell for each other. When I would visit her, we would make-out and explore each other’s bodies on the sofa in the living room of her parents house. They thought it safe as they sat in a neighboring room, unaware of me having my hand down their daughter’s pants! She would rub my erection through my pants, and sometimes put her hand around my erection, and would bring me to orgasm. Many nights I drove home with a sticky mess in my briefs! We graduated to walking to the nearby playground when the night was warm, and came very close to having intercourse, something neither of us really understood.
Finally, we discovered “parking”. We’d tell her parents we were going to the local Dairy Queen, and then drive to a secluded spot to pull off the road and park. We would kiss, and pet and please each other. Mary Ann insisted that she wanted to give me a blow job. I had no idea what she was talking about. She worked on my cock with her mouth until I came. When I wouldn’t go down on her, she asked me if “it was the smell?” If I only knew then what I know now! Anyway, we lasted for about six months, and then just drifted apart. I later found out that she had come out of the closet as a Lesbian! Mary Ann was one sexy girl!
I continued to date as a High School Junior. Most of my interests, being a football “jock”, were the Freshman cheer leaders: cute, petite, skinny, perky girls who wore short skirts and big smiles!
My favorite little freshman blond cheer leader was Judy. She enjoyed kissing and petting. During the summer between my junior and senior years, I would go visit her at her house and her mother, an attractive divorcee, would always leave us alone to watch TV. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I mainly put my hand down her pants and played with her wetness. By the time I left for the evening, my cock was rock hard and my balls would be turning blue!
She lived in the country, and the back roads were all dark with few cars. I would pull off on a side road, get out and stand by the back bumper, pull out my cock and, well, jerk off in the summer moon light, right there on the road. Then I would drive home.
I wanted, but never got, a pair of her bikini panties. I particularly remember a frilly pair that I discovered “under a highway bridge” walking home one afternoon from school with her. I slide my had down her jeans and discovered the lacy panties, and then her fuzzy bush, and then her wet pussy. We kissed and I fondled her.
I would also go visit Judy when she was baby sitting at her aunt’s house during the summer. I wasn’t able to convince her to let me take her picture naked, with her legs open, but I did fantasize about it! We went parking frequently, and many a night after a football game the fall of my Senior year, I would rub her sloppy wet pussy until she came. I loved the smell left on my fingers and the little pubic hairs that were left on the front seat of my car. We even got into a routine after school when on certain days when my mother was away, we would lay on my bed and ravish each other’s bodies. We never had intercourse, but we sure did enjoy each other! We double dated, and even went double parking. I remember once such incident where I was down between her legs, hungrily lapping her pussy, when I glanced up to see the other couple looking over the seat at us! Too cool!
Then, it was time to go off to college.
College Discoveries
When I got to college as a small town freshman, I found myself surrounded by lots of sexy young women. We would drink, and even smoke pot. I was having a wild time. I tried to keep things going at home with Judy, but she cheated on my with a local guy, so I ended our relationship. Now I was free to play the field!
I didn’t have a roommate my first semester. I purchased some girly magazines, and enjoyed hours of drinking at dorm parties, followed by jerking off in the privacy of my dorm room. I had a couple of casual dates, all with non-intercourse sex involved. One particularly unattractive girl, Bev, got me stoned one night and then tried to give me a blow job. I couldn’t get it up and that really hurt her feelings. She was known as the blow job queen of the dorm complex.
Then I discovered a new trick. I would steal women’s panties from the washing machines and driers as I “studied” in the laundry room while doing my wash. Back in my dorm room, I would wear them and masturbate even more. I loved the feel of the nylon lace, and I kind of liked feeling feminine. Some times, I would jerk off in them, watching my sperm load fill the cotton crotch of the panties. I will allow these panties to dry, leaving a stain and smelling of sex. I had a favorite sheer pinkish-white lace pair and a bright pink pair that I knew the girl who had owned them. I would wear a pair of her stretchy yellow lace bikinis and cum in the crotch of the white lace or pink pair. It was a real fantasy turn-on for me. Boy, could I cum! Again, I wanted to taste my own cum, and even attempted a couple of drunken “up and over” maneuvers to shoot my load in my open mouth, just inches away from my cock head. I would put my legs up on the mattress, put my head on the floor bending to face upwards, and watch my cock explode its stream of sperm. At the last split second, (regretfull) I would always turn my head to cum on my face instead of in my mouth.
One girl friend liked it when I bought her sexy things and I even got a Fredericks of Hollywood catalog and ordered mail order things for her…this was before the Internet. I loved the garter belts and stockings. I began buying stuff that I intended to give her, but…well, I kept it myself. I dressed in it, jerked off in it, and even wore it around under my clothes. No one knew. What made it all the more exciting is that Cindy was a real sex kitten!
The frat house had a lot of girly magazines tossed around in the bathrooms, and I loved the pics of the scantily clad women in their garters, stockings, bras, panties and heels. I would look at their photos, particularly the ones with their legs spread open, and shoot my load all over the photos.
My “sex kitten” blond bomb shell ended up dumping me. Heart breaking. She even came to collect a few of the panties I had bought for her, at least what she knew that I had. She didn’t want me to have “trophies” of our time together. We had fucked regularly, she had sucked my cock, and I even fucked her in her ass one time. Too bad! She could have been a keeper!
I went through a couple of short term girl friends with heavy petting but no intercourse. The guys at the frat house had group sex with some of the Little sisters of the fraternity, and some of us who didn’t get in on the action, at least got to watch from the rooftop near the window into the room. Cool! Definitely jerked off that night!
I looked at the Frederick’s catalog, began to shop at nearby department stores, and dressed and masturbated. I loved looking at myself, fantasizing about being a woman, and watching as my hand pumped loads of warm sperm out of my manhood!
I met the woman who was to become my first wife and dated her until I graduated and moved away for my first job.
First Marriage
My first wife allowed me to try a lot of things with her. I bought her stockings, garters and sexy things that she would wear for me. I ended up fantasizing more about what she was wearing than about her.
I found that I enjoyed the excitement of shopping for sexy lingerie for her. I would go into department stores, specialty lingerie shops, and even adult book stores to shop. I gave her some of the things I bought, but then I started my own collection. I hid a couple of bags of lingerie in a closet and she never knew. I worked swing shift and she worked days, so I had a lot of time to myself.
I bought sheer baby doll nighties (I remember a frilly pink one and sheer pale blue one, both with matching panties), garter belts, stockings, bras, panties and finally, heels. Just the excitement of shopping for sexy women’s clothing was worth the thrill. I liked to shop while wearing something sexy under my man-clothes. I found that I needed to put a non-lubricated condom on my cock to keep the pre-cum from soaking through my pants! Sometimes, I would come very close to climaxing while I was shopping. That was so cool! If I had reached down and touched my stiff cock, I knew that I would have exploded! It is a real challenge to keep from showing my delight as I shopped, standing in the panty section of a department store with women all around me, as I handled panties and bras! I wondered if any of them suspected that I was shopping more for myself than for a woman.
There was a local adult theater that I visited a couple of times. I usually went in the morning when I was getting home from working the midnight shift. I would take panties and thigh high hose with me, and change into them at work. Then, I would sit in the mostly deserted theater and watch the porn. I think that this is the first time that I seriously considered approaching another man to offer him a blow job, but I didn’t act on it. I saw a couple of single men in the theater. I wanted a cock in my mouth, but was much too afraid.
My collection grew and I even traveled with it when I went on company business trips. Afraid of discovery, I had to get rid of everything that I had. My first (of many to come) purges. I really hated to do it. I have never forgotten a favorite pair of sheer, frilly, red panties. I remember wearing them under my jeans and how my erect cock could easily pop out of the elastic band at the top. I loved to jerk off while wearing them.
I even would experiment with makeup, in dark rental cars, outside of adult book stores before I would go inside. I would apply only a subtle touch of makeup, just enough that I knew but that wasn’t too obvious. I remember one incidence in Detroit where I did go into a viewing both with a man. I got down on my knees, unbuckled his pants, and put his soft cock in my mouth. When it wouldn’t harden, he lifted me to my feet, and put his hand on my erection. He undid my pants, and was delighted with finding me wearing a garter belt, stockings and panties. He pressed his hand against my erect, panty-covered cock, and started to masturbate me. Within seconds, I exploded my load in my panties, onto the floor and in his hand. Embarrassing, but it was my first time.
Anyway, after some time, I resumed my panty shopping. I began writing sexy stories about being a “fantasy woman”. I would write about having sex as a woman, giving blow jobs, and everything. It was all very unrealistic, but I enjoyed writing about it.
I loved to shop for panties while wearing panties under my clothes. The feel of the soft, sheer panties on my cock and the thrill of looking at all of the sexy panties and bras would cause my erect cock to leak clear pre-cum, wetting the panties. When I returned home, or to my hotel room if I was traveling, I would watch myself in the mirror as I masturbated. The feel of my cock in the panties, and the sight of jerking off while wearing panties was a thrill. I loved it!
I also purchased, over time, several vibrators to use on my wife. I started with a traditional white one, and when I bravely used it on her, and she enjoyed it, I started buying other styles and colors: purple, pink, and a large realistic cock-shaped gyrator. I can vividly recall lying between her open legs, working the large cock vibrator in and out of her wet pussy. My face was inches away from her bush as I stretched her pussy with this monster. She loved it! So did I. She would buck and climax like a champ! Me getting my rocks off inside of her was just icing on the cake for both of us. I suspected that she used these sex toys when I was away traveling and masturbated herself.
She allowed me to keep some porno magazines in the house, and when I asked her if I could wear one of her thongs during our sex act, and she agreed, I started wearing her panties when we had sex. I was the director of all of this, but she did comply.
I cheated on her several times with one-night stands. I wasn’t proud of this, but I needed some passion in my sex life. I had opportunities on business trips and on an annual “boys” ski week vacation out to Colorado each of several years. Just good straight sex.
Then, I had a business convention out in Las Vegas. This was the one time in my life that I hired a prostitute. I scanned the free publications you could find on every street corner, picked a woman who looked good in a garter belt and stockings, and called for her to come visit me at the hotel. I was drunk, but I knew what I was doing. The first indication that my fantasy fuck was not going to be as I had imaged was when she came to the door wearing pants. No skirt or stockings! I was disappointed. We talked price and I gave her my last $100. I told her to lay on the bed and masturbate for me. She did a lame job of that. Then, I told her that I just wanted a blow job. She wouldn’t let me kiss her, and she had me wear a condom to give me that blow job. It was over in a flash. I suffer from premature ejaculation and this was no exception. Within 2 minutes, I came. She looked at the sperm filled condom, looked at me, and asked “so, are you done?” I felt like a fool. She stood and left. After she left, the cum filled condom remained. I started looking at porn, this was early on with the free Internet porn sites, and slipped on a pair of panties I had brought with me. Enough time had elapsed since I had cum that I was feeling horny again. On a whim, I put the used condom in my mouth and then sucked it inside-out, releasing its load of my sperm into my mouth. I swallowed my sperm load and licked the condom. I liked it. Finally!
I continued buying stuff and dressing and looking at porn and masturbating, all the while still having sex with my wife once per week. She would dress for me and allow me to fuck her while she was wearing stockings and a garter belt.
I also worked to keep her well filled with my sperm. I had to initiate oral sex but that was fine. ?
But, things weren’t good with our relationship. We ended-up divorcing.
When I feel in love with a new woman, my current and final wife, and
Anyway, that marriage ended.
Fortunately, I had by collection of sexy items when I moved out to a townhouse in the city. In the divorce, the property was split with my first wife. What was fascinating was that she evenly divided the vibrators, choosing the ones she wanted first, and then giving me the remaining ones! She did catch me with bags of lingerie when I was attempting to move out. She inspected the trunk of my car and discovered them. Although she asked me about it, I never divulged their origin and use. I think she believed that they were trophies from me “other women”.
I purchased an inflatable “woman” and, while dressed my self, would fuck this submissive doll. I tried to have oral sex, or to kiss her mouth, after I had filled one of those openings with my sperm, but again, the drop of my post-orgasm passions just didn’t allow me to do so.
I wanted a cock in my mouth.
Love of my Life
I later dated and was remarried, and remain so now.
In the beginning, she wore the sexy outfits I would buy for her. She looked great: slender, petite, narrow hips, nice butt, small perky breasts! When we were dating, and she was still married, we fucked in her house one afternoon after I returned from a business trip. Her husband was at work and we ripped each other’s clothes off and had sex on the floor of their family room. I got carpet burns on my knees, but it was exciting thinking about doing another man’s wife in their on house! When she finally moved out on her now ex-husband, we has had sex in her new apartment (I remember the red outfit she wore for me one morning), or in my townhouse. It was always straight sex, although she allowed me to go down on her and she definitely enjoyed that!
After we were married, our life, and sex, shifted into a more normal, comfortable mode.
Sometimes I would go through her things, wear her panties, cum in the soft cotton crotches and then wash out my sperm stain. I particularly enjoyed cumming in the off-white string bikini panties that she had worn on our wedding day. It was dangerous to dress at home, with my wife and numerous c***dren around, but I enjoyed the thrill.
I frequently looked at porn and fantasized about what it must be like to be a woman, at least sexually. I wanted to be a woman badly and my dressing helped me deal with it. I was lucky that I never got caught either dressed, masturbating or going through her lingerie drawer!
I liked to look at websites that showed a woman sucking a man’s cock, particularly when he would cum in her face. I learned that this was called a “facial”. I fantasized about being a woman, on my knees, sucking cock…better yet, cocks!
I still continued to buy outfits, including skirts, heels, wigs and make-up. I hide my multiple bags of clothing successfully for a number of years, ten to be exact.
My first time of getting “caught” came at work. I was looking at porn on my company laptop, in my office (this was before they had ways to block access to such sites), and a woman colleague came into my office. I never knew if she saw my computer screen, but I suspected that she did. She was even “colder” towards me after than. Within six months, my boss came to see me un-expectantly. He said that he had gotten an IT report that my computer had accessed forbidden porn internet sites and he wondered if my son had access to my computer. He was giving me a way out of the situation and I appreciated it. I never used the company system to do this again!
But, I did continue to dial-in to the Internet and view porn sites. I discovered how I could download photos onto CDs, and I started doing so. I would catalog the photos by their content. I could watch them and masturbate whenever I wanted. I shifted jobs, continued to collect porn, dress and fantasize.
I would travel with my outfits, dress, look at porn in my hotel room and masturbate. I loved it! I had some great outfits and mind blowing orgasms! I did my best to taste my own sperm, but it was still difficult to accomplish.
I would frequently wear sexy things under my business clothes when I went to evening functions. I could get away with panties, garter belts and stockings, but wearing a bra was tricky. I could do this only when I had on a winter coat, and or sometimes, even just a sport jacket. I would sit at the desk in my hotel room, dressed, and masturbate while looking at porn. Rock hard cock, gushers of cum!
I wanted more. To be a real woman, I needed a cock in my mouth!
I now was in a role that involved a lot of overnight travel. I drank a lot and enjoyed feeling naughty. A couple of times I would get disgusted and discard all of my stuff, hundreds of dollars of stuff I had bought: panties, bras, stockings, heels, skirts, tops, make-up, and sex toys; all of it. But I always went and bought more. I loved to secretly wear it, particularly when I would go shopping! The feeling of the panties, bra, stockings and heels, was so erotic.
I frequently sat around in my hotel room, dressed, and surfed the net for porn. I downloaded hundreds of pictures, mostly sexy women wearing stockings and panties and women getting facials. I was fascinated by sperm! I would download and catalog my porn pics by type, such as: facials, lookers-blond, fucking, etc. I copied this into Power Point slide shows and would sit, watch, and masturbate.
My wife didn’t know about any of this, until I made a fatal mistake. I had upgraded from using CDs to using smaller, higher capacity thumb drives. I was at home one morning, downloading porn, and I left the thumb drive in the computer in the family room. Not only that, I had forgotten to erase the history of the websites I had visited. Stupid! She found this, and understandably, was very, very hurt. I apologized. I told her that I had an addiction to porn and she insisted that I seek counseling. So, I started seeing a ther****t (it didn’t help that she was an attractive woman and I would sit on her sofa, talking about sex, and mentally undressing her with my eyes! She was about my age and very sexy. She was divorced and I wanted her to give me a blow job, or to lay back, spread her legs and allow me to watch her masturbate. I jerked off thinking about her sometimes. She was professional in all of our sessions. Rats!
At home, things had calmed down and seemed to be okay. Then, maybe a year or so later, she discovered a cache of my lingerie. I mumbled some explanation, and got rid of everything – a couple of bags of panties, stockings, garter belts, bras, heels, and makeup (darn!). To-date, I had only told my ther****t about the porn collection and not about my crossdressing.
Then, the wife found another thumb drive in my briefcase. This one, contained photos of me dressed in sexy woman’s underwear and several of me masturbating. Opps! She was crushed, insisted that I needed “help”, and she has never trusted me, particularly with thumb drives or the Internet, again. It didn’t help that some of the images were rather graphic, including me being dressed and jerking off. I never knew, and she never told me, what she had seen, but I suspected the worst! Secretly, I wished she would watch me jerk off and cum on her panty covered crotch!
I went “clean” again, and focused on my therapy to save my marriage. I desperately needed her love and I worked hard to understand and address my addiction. It had much to do with my remote parents and my use of sex as an escape. I felt safe in my fantasy world. I stayed “clean” for some time. No clothing. No porn pics.
Then, within a year, it all started again. I don’t know what triggered it, but I bought a wardrobe of new outfits, including a wig, heels and lingerie. I also discovered Craigslist and began corresponding with people interested in crossdressers. I so wanted to play act as a woman, but I was scared about getting caught. I knew that this would end my marriage.
I seriously wanted to go on Craigslist, and I finally did. I advertised that I would dress-up as a woman for a man. I wanted to be a cum slut and suck cock! I was innocent and naïve on meeting men and I never did. I was worried about getting robbed, or catching some STD. I got close to arranging for a meet, but never did. Then came a timely business trip.
When I arrived at my hotel, I dressed in my hotel room, had a few beers, and went on line. I posted for a cock to suck, and I had immediate responses! It was a cool fall morning and a tall, well hung 30-something man came to my hotel. Nervous as heck, I dropped to my knees and pulled down his pants. His large erection sprang to life. I eagerly wrapped my hand around it and lowered my lips over it. I loved it! It wasn’t long before he emptied his load in my mouth. I swallowed and looked up at him from my knees. I kissed the remaining cum off of his cock head and said “thanks”. I meant it. I was a woman at last, and I loved it!
My cock sucking progressed. I was always dressed (I didn’t think of myself as being gay), and always drinking. I still don’t know what comes first: the drinking or the sexual fantasies. Anyway, from what I can remember, my adventures included:
? First blow job dressed as a sexy woman (already described),
? I was on a business trip and had brought along my outfits to wear, and feel pretty, like I had been doing for some time. I dressed. looked at online porn, and one thing lead to another. I then make the decision to seek some cocks, and I posted on Craigslist. I got several hits from my ad, and that afternoon, I arranged three dates. They were all business men looking for a little fun while on a break from their office. My three mouthfuls went down with a smile!
? Business trip to a medium sized city downtown hotel, sucked a half dozen men one evening and the next morning. My dates would slip over during break or on the way to/from their offices. One older man helped me to “slow down” and “worship” his cock. I did a couple of younger guys who were big cummers. When I went to leave that morning, I was stricken with diarrhea. I had to change my boxers in the car in the parking garage. I learned that a tummy full of sperm just goes right through you. A valuable lesson.
? An airport hotel group of men. I lost count, but I think I did 8 guys. One gave me pointers on how to “make love to his cock”. Very nice. I was a cummy mess, and full of sperm.
? Another business hotel and I sucked 4 cocks.
? Business trip hotel, I dressed and sucked 7 cocks. One guy gave me a nice pair of frilly panties as a thank you gift. I was getting better with the wording for my CL ads and had no problem attracting qualified cocks. I was lovin’ this.
? On several trips to the same city, I arranged for individual and group sessions. My wardrobe had grown, and now included a bright pink fantasy wig, several pairs of high heels, a wide variety of colorful panties, garters, stockings and bras, and several skirt and tops. I had also started using a spreadsheet to keep track of the men who answered my Craigslist add. I would easily get 30 or more responses when I posted as a CD looking to suck cock. No-shows could run as high as 50%. I filtered out the responses and excluded one-liners and ones with poor spelling and grammar. I was looking for clean, married guys who just wanted a little blow job with a hotty. My dates on my various trips included:
? Group and individual sessions with 10 men, including my first black man (I’m a white guy). The group sessions were a challenge to arrange. I was worried that they would get out of hand, but they really didn’t. Not knowing who would show-up, I scheduled dates to come see me. If others also showed, I would ask if they minded a group session. This always brought a smile as they fantasized about doing me in a group. I still wasn’t fucking, so my group sessions ended up in me on my knees sucking multiple cocks and getting covered with fountains of shooting sperm.
? Group and individual sessions with 12 men. Met a guy who wanted a CD girl friend. We corresponded for months after our first meeting. He wanted to take care of me. Nice guy.
? Individual blow jobs. Learned about “xhampster” from a date. I stayed in my hotel room all day and sucked 8 cocks on this trip. I pleasured myself watching cumshot videos on xhampster afterwards. Nice.
? Different hotel where I had my last date with my boyfriend. I wanted to do a group-thing, but he was worried that some of my dates might know him. I did him and, after he left, five other cocks.
? I admitted to my ther****t that I was a cross dresser. Scary, embarrassing, but a real turn on to tell another woman that I liked to dress! She didn’t make light of my interest but seemed fascinated and interested in hearing all about it. Sexy! I wanted to dress for her and fuck her right there in her office!
Alone, on a vacation get away, I entertained singles and groups of men, totaling 20 cocks in several visits. I made a repeat boy friend and we were planning on having intercourse, but he disappeared from the Internet. I did have two guys at one time, I gave one a blow job while the second tried to fuck my ass, doggy style. I was too tight and he had to give up. I enjoyed a messy facial instead. I sucked cocks owned by both young, and older, men. One young guy watched a porn video on his phone while I knelt and sucked his cock. I loved dressing slutty-sexy, particularly wearing false eye lashes, cock sucking, and getting a load of sperm on my face.
? Back to one of my earlier towns to suck six more cocks. One guy watched my give a blow job to another man and then had me do him.
? Airport hotel on business and 8 blowjobs. All were facials. I was focused now on “cum on my face” blowjobs. My dates loved it! So did I! I had time to go shopping, dressed like a woman under my man-clothes of course. I knew of a Frederick’s of Hollywood store in St. Louis area and bought all kinds of sexy stockings (colored back seams – red & turquoise), garter belts and panties. I also found some new heels at Kmart.
? Opportunity at home: wife away. I advertised for cocks and got several replies;
Guy agreed to meet me, and I dressed and departed. It was dark, so I went ahead and dressed as a woman. I had had too much to drink. On my way to our meeting, my date contacted me via text and changed his mind. I had to turn around. Near the airport, dressed as a woman, I stopped at a local adult book store. Thank goodness it was closed! I was drunk as heck and I don’t know how I was even driving and here I was getting ready to go in public as a Crossdresser?! I drove home (somehow), sat in front of my computer still dressed, looked at porn, and masturbated. I had totally forgotten that one of our college aged daughters was home and could have walked in on me at any time! That would have been a surprise for both of us!
Lesson learned: stop drinking and driving!
? Local guy agreed to meet me at a shopping center at night. We parked next to each other in the deserted parking lot. He came into my car, I started sucking him, and then he up and left, making fun of taunting me without cumming. I was pissed, but still horny. I drove over closer to be in front of a Victoria Secrets store. Alone, I lifted my skirt, and pulled out my cock. I jerked off looking at the items in the window display. Wondered afterwards if I had been filmed on a parking lot video camera! Mmmm…
? Airport hotel. Six sexy cocks. I had a new “school girl” outfit with a short plaid skirt, garters and stockings, heels, false eye lashes, and a black low cut pull over top. This allowed my bra to peek out. When guys came on my face, their cum would splash onto the black top and even my pink wig. This would result in visible dried cum stains on my top and matted hair on my wig. What a turn on to remember my cock sucking. Plus, it smelled great, too!
? I continued buying new outfits, dressing and taking photographs. I even took some of me climaxing. This was difficult to do as one’s mine focuses on the pleasure of the orgasm rather than the snapping of the photo! I fantasized about doing more men, particularly in groups.
? Bravely, I admitted to my ther****t that I had oral sex with a man (I didn’t confess everything, particularly how many men I had done!). She was alarmed and wanted me to get tested for STDs. This was scary, and probably the beginning of me re-thinking what I was doing. I have to admit that it was a real turn-on to tell her about it! My ther****t was a formal, professional woman, but one who seemed to have a sexual heat hidden behind that exterior. I fantasized about her, what she wore underneath of business suits, and wondered if she was a cocksucker, too. I just knew that she masturbated and I bet she would enjoy a messy facial of my cum right there in her office!
? Another business trip, and I got snowed-in without any my outfits. Bored, I started looking at porn and then said to myself, “what the heck!”, and went out and bought more clothing. I didn’t have everything I wanted to look my best. I posted and had more responses to my posts than I could handle. I sucked eight cocks one evening and then arranged for more in the morning. Separately, two different men gave me a fantastic face fucking:
? On my back on the bed, head hanging over the side of the bed, stocking covered legs open showing my hard cock in my panties underneath my skirt, and a large cock pumping in and out of my throat. I was gagging, and it was difficult to breathe! A wonderful facial followed, soaking my false eye lashes. I licked the cum off my face, and sucked it into my mouth. My date loved it! I had cum in my panties while I was getting my face fucked.
? The other guy propped me up on the headboard, him kneeling in front of me, and fucked my face. He then moved me down to lie on the bed, straddled my face, and pushed his cock deep inside my mouth (I gagged and he loved it, pumping harder), then he came all over my face and black top.
? In a small mid-western city, half drunk as usual. Started at hotel happy hour, dressed underneath, and set up dates on my computer as I sat at the bar doing shots. I arranged dates and went back to my room. I serviced three cocks that night, and corresponded with a sexy sounding couple. She wanted to watch as I did her husband. Regretfully, we weren’t able to align our schedules.
So, to-date, I figured I have sucked over 100 cocks and spent more than $1,000 on outfits and porn. I would like to stop, but I can’t. I think my next step will be to get fucked, maybe even service a group of men, who fill me with their seed in both of my openings at the same time, & cover my lingerie clad body with their sticky manhood!
Mmmmm…
Erica
Update:
Well, I have tried, once again, to stop, but I just can’t do it. My latest adventure to the SW was:
? I went shopping while on a weekend business trip and purchased a new blue wig. I also found a shopping mall and bought a couple of new outfits (skirts, panties, bras, garter belts, and heels) and some make-up. I was ready!
? I tried my new iPhone with some movies and pics. Some were sideways. Opps! Oh, well.
?
? I posted on CL for the night I had a suite at the airport before returning home. I had brought some of my things, and shopped some local porn shops for some more stuff. I purchased lube and condoms “just in case”. My post received hits right away and I set up dates. One guy promised to bring a bottle of wine, but I purchased some vodka anyway. I dressed in one of my new outfits, put on my make-up and waited.
? My first date, Steven, brought the wine. He liked my outfit and although we tried to be polite and enjoy the wine, we ended up in each other’s arms, his erection pressing against my tummy and his hands up my skirt on my panty-coved-ass. Before I knew it, I was laid on the bed and he was fucking my face. He lasted a long time and wore me out with his big, hard cock. At last, he pulled out and came all over my face! I loved it, but also knew that my make-up would be a mess. Before he departed, I had him take a couple of pics of my sperm-coved face. These are now posted on my XRMXX website: http://xhamster.com/user/ericalace
? The next of my dates, Jay, came and came in my mouth quickly. I swallowed and smiled.
? My next date was quite sexy. He worked at the local airbase in security and he dominated me in a way that was caring but in control. He fucked my face on the bed, I sucked him on my knees and he finally jerked off all over my smiling face. Very nice.
? My final date jerked off on my face and I was done for the night. I cleaned-up, removed my make-up and went down to the hotels open bar and dinner (still wearing my panties, garter and stockings under my man-clothes. Then to bed, still dressed. I had to get up at 4am for a flight home.
? Now I cruising the internet for potential dates for when my wife will be away early next month. I hope to find some sperm-action close to home.
11 年 前
thanks a lot 4 share.
kisses jorge