The start of a new era
If you've read my first post , you already know that I've been crossdressing for a long time, but always indoors. I wasn't sure how I felt about crossdressing.
Let's start with how I felt after sucking my first cock. The morning after, I was very confused. One minute, I was thinking about how good it felt, and the next minute, I was denying that it actually happened. I can't remember how long I spent in that state. Eventually, I ended up getting rid of half of my girl stuff. I paused dressing for a while and tried to forget by dating girls.
After a few months and zero dates, and with less than satisfactory masturbation experiences, I reopened the box in the closet—both real and metaphorical. I went through my stuff: mostly cheap things like a £20 wig, some unbranded makeup products, and a dirty dress. In my denial rage, I had thrown away my only pair of heels and tights. Going through all my remaining girl garments made me remember that first sexual night and all the previous nights where I dressed up. I felt ashamed that I had thrown away my heels, the only pair I ever owned, bought online because I was too ashamed to buy them in a physical shop.
After that moment, I went back to crossdressing. I started watching makeup tutorials and bought better makeup products, which actually made a difference. They helped remove the shadow of my beard and made my eyes and lips look more feminine. Sometimes, I wouldn't even dress up; I would just come home from work, shower, shave, and stand in front of the mirror, practicing and having fun with makeup. It wasn't even sexual; it was just good entertainment.
With my makeup skills improving, I also started dressing better. I began trying to get more appropriate clothes and started doing self-photoshoots. You can see some of them on my Instagram.
After a while, dressing up at home wasn't enough. I didn't want to find a random person again for a sexual encounter; I just wanted to go out as a girl! So, I mustered up a lot of courage, put on low-key clothes and comfy shoes (just in case I had to run away), and went out of the apartment. Boy, that was scary and exciting! I didn't want any neighbor to see me like this; I wasn't ready to confront someone I knew. It went well. I quickly left the area where I might know someone, and once I felt safe, I swapped my comfy shoes for small heels—very comfy but definitely more feminine. I walked around for some time, stopped and sat at a bus stop, and got a few guys laughing at me.
The laughter stung, but I pressed on, determined not to let it ruin my night. I walked around a bit more, feeling the thrill of the night air on my bare legs and the click of my heels on the pavement. Eventually, I found a small park and sat on a bench, taking in the quietness. It was peaceful, and for the first time in a while, I felt a sense of belonging, a sense of being myself.
As I sat there, I thought about my journey. The confusion, the guilt, the shame, but also the joy, the excitement, and the freedom. Crossdressing had become more than just a hobby; it was a part of who I was. The makeup, the clothes, the feeling of being feminine—they were all pieces of a puzzle that made me feel whole.
The next few times I went out, it got easier. I started to choose different outfits, experimenting with different styles. I remember the first time I wore a dress outside. It was a simple, knee-length summer dress, but to me, it felt like a ball gown. I paired it with a cute pair of sandals and some light makeup. As I walked through the streets, I felt like I was floating. The breeze against my legs, the sway of the dress—it was liberating.
I also started to explore different places. I found a few LGBTQ+ friendly cafes and bars where I could just be myself without fear of judgment. The first time I walked into one of those places, my heart was pounding. But the welcoming smiles and the feeling of acceptance made it all worth it. I met others like me, people who understood my journey, and it was comforting to know I wasn't alone.
One night, I gathered all my courage and went to a drag show. It was incredible—the energy, the performances, the glamour. I felt a connection with the performers, seeing parts of my own journey reflected in their acts. After the show, I struck up a conversation with one of the queens. She was fabulous, full of confidence and charisma. We talked about makeup, outfits, and the challenges of living our truths. She gave me some valuable tips and encouraged me to keep exploring my identity.
These experiences started to shape my confidence. I no longer felt the need to hide. I began to embrace my crossdressing as an integral part of my identity. The fear and confusion slowly gave way to self-acceptance and pride. I realized that it was okay to be different, and that my journey, with all its ups and downs, was uniquely mine.
Let's start with how I felt after sucking my first cock. The morning after, I was very confused. One minute, I was thinking about how good it felt, and the next minute, I was denying that it actually happened. I can't remember how long I spent in that state. Eventually, I ended up getting rid of half of my girl stuff. I paused dressing for a while and tried to forget by dating girls.
After a few months and zero dates, and with less than satisfactory masturbation experiences, I reopened the box in the closet—both real and metaphorical. I went through my stuff: mostly cheap things like a £20 wig, some unbranded makeup products, and a dirty dress. In my denial rage, I had thrown away my only pair of heels and tights. Going through all my remaining girl garments made me remember that first sexual night and all the previous nights where I dressed up. I felt ashamed that I had thrown away my heels, the only pair I ever owned, bought online because I was too ashamed to buy them in a physical shop.
After that moment, I went back to crossdressing. I started watching makeup tutorials and bought better makeup products, which actually made a difference. They helped remove the shadow of my beard and made my eyes and lips look more feminine. Sometimes, I wouldn't even dress up; I would just come home from work, shower, shave, and stand in front of the mirror, practicing and having fun with makeup. It wasn't even sexual; it was just good entertainment.
With my makeup skills improving, I also started dressing better. I began trying to get more appropriate clothes and started doing self-photoshoots. You can see some of them on my Instagram.
After a while, dressing up at home wasn't enough. I didn't want to find a random person again for a sexual encounter; I just wanted to go out as a girl! So, I mustered up a lot of courage, put on low-key clothes and comfy shoes (just in case I had to run away), and went out of the apartment. Boy, that was scary and exciting! I didn't want any neighbor to see me like this; I wasn't ready to confront someone I knew. It went well. I quickly left the area where I might know someone, and once I felt safe, I swapped my comfy shoes for small heels—very comfy but definitely more feminine. I walked around for some time, stopped and sat at a bus stop, and got a few guys laughing at me.
The laughter stung, but I pressed on, determined not to let it ruin my night. I walked around a bit more, feeling the thrill of the night air on my bare legs and the click of my heels on the pavement. Eventually, I found a small park and sat on a bench, taking in the quietness. It was peaceful, and for the first time in a while, I felt a sense of belonging, a sense of being myself.
As I sat there, I thought about my journey. The confusion, the guilt, the shame, but also the joy, the excitement, and the freedom. Crossdressing had become more than just a hobby; it was a part of who I was. The makeup, the clothes, the feeling of being feminine—they were all pieces of a puzzle that made me feel whole.
The next few times I went out, it got easier. I started to choose different outfits, experimenting with different styles. I remember the first time I wore a dress outside. It was a simple, knee-length summer dress, but to me, it felt like a ball gown. I paired it with a cute pair of sandals and some light makeup. As I walked through the streets, I felt like I was floating. The breeze against my legs, the sway of the dress—it was liberating.
I also started to explore different places. I found a few LGBTQ+ friendly cafes and bars where I could just be myself without fear of judgment. The first time I walked into one of those places, my heart was pounding. But the welcoming smiles and the feeling of acceptance made it all worth it. I met others like me, people who understood my journey, and it was comforting to know I wasn't alone.
One night, I gathered all my courage and went to a drag show. It was incredible—the energy, the performances, the glamour. I felt a connection with the performers, seeing parts of my own journey reflected in their acts. After the show, I struck up a conversation with one of the queens. She was fabulous, full of confidence and charisma. We talked about makeup, outfits, and the challenges of living our truths. She gave me some valuable tips and encouraged me to keep exploring my identity.
These experiences started to shape my confidence. I no longer felt the need to hide. I began to embrace my crossdressing as an integral part of my identity. The fear and confusion slowly gave way to self-acceptance and pride. I realized that it was okay to be different, and that my journey, with all its ups and downs, was uniquely mine.
6 月 前
